Cheap Drugstore Thrill$

I had a comment the other day that this blog makes me sound like an insufferable cunt.  Yes, I suppose it does.  Deep down I am a snob bitch, but that only comes out around the people who are equally as forthright.  Shout out to Gerry and Bailey, my partners in intelligent cuntery.  I would give a good ramble about woman's social conditioning to be nice ladies and the patriarchal industrial complex and blady blah-blah, but I don’t care that much.  Google it.

Specifically the charge was that my article on Chanel lipstick
makes me sound like an elitist snob with no connection to reality.  If you want some of that fuckery go read a Vogue.  I'm guilty on the first charge, but not the second.  I'm a bitch on a budget, like most people on earth.  Individuals who have money do because they don't spend it all, regardless of their income.  I don't advocate irresponsible consumerism, but rather that life is short, so live well within your means.  

There are certain things I feel you should spend as much as you can afford, but purchase far less frequently.  These would include, but are not limited to, makeup and hair products, shoes, accessories, eye wear, bags, haircuts, perfume, knickers, tattoos and elective eye surgery.  There are a long list of things and things you can go cheap and cheerful on.  These would be t shirts, jeans, converses and sandals, childrens clothes, some home furnishings (i.e. ikea) and certain types of toiletries.  I offer a general disclaimer that these aforementioned categories are not truisms, but highly likely-isms. 

Clearly, the crazy bitch who writes this drudge cannot afford to drop all sorts of ca$h money on everything.  Most of this fuckery is under $10.  A general disclaimer:  I do not stand behind any and all products made by these companies.  I'll put my hand up for any of these specific products. 

Top 10 Drugstore Cheep Thrill$ 

You don't need no fancy fuckery if you got this crap

1.  Burts Bees lip balm 

It's not filled with chemicals, it's not sticky, it lasts and it works.  

2.  Burts Bees colour keeper shampoo and conditioner

I badly damaged my hair having a little too much fun dying it (salon, never drugstore kthxbai!).  I tried all sorts of expensive and not so expensive junk and finally resorted to giving this stuff a try when I was sick of slathering my hair in chemicals.  Also, it irks me to spend a lot of money on shampoo and conditioner for some reason.  It's a little heavy on my full, but fine, hair
but it flat out works.  I still follow with a leave in conditioner.  I don't claim this to be holy water for your locks.

3.  Aveeno hand cream

One of my biggest complaints about drugstore products is the cheap fragrance added to them.  I love this stuff because it's, for the most part, not filled with too much chemical drudge, has no scent, it doesn't wash off and it works.  I also use this stuff on my body.  Guys even love this stuff because it doesn't make them smell like a woman (and God forbid a man smell like a woman ;).  I can't tell you the number of guys at work who I've handed this to for their wind burned/chapped/otherwise cut up hands and they've loved it. 

4. Man razors

Hey bitches: did you ever compare the price between your pink razors and the (otherwise indiscernable) black/blue/green man's razors?  Why don't you take a look next time you're at the drug store and get back to me.  Women pay more for shit because its pretty and I think that's stupid.  Very cheap razors are not so good regardless of what gender they're marketed to, bu I've stood by these triple blade babies for years.   

5. Cetaphil

A rule to follow with face cleanser:  if it stings when you get it in yours eyes it is filled with bullshit and too harsh for your face.  There are only 3 face cleansers I know of (I'm sure there are more though) that you can get into your eyes sting-free.  This is a great everyday cleanser for all skin types and is even good for very sensitive skin and baby skin.  The later I wouldnt know about, but the bottle's sales pitch tells me so.  Its only drawback is that it doesn't remove makeup incredibly well.  If you don't wear makeup (and unless you're a dude, why the fuck not crazy bitch?!) this is swell, but if you do you can use this as a morning cleanser or for those rare occasions you're not wearing any.  For when you are you're going to have to go higher end.  I use the soy cleanser by Fresh when I'm wearing makeup, but I hear Kiehl's also makes a good one.  

Tip:  I've never found a cleanser that will get rid of all your makeup.  A face cloth and a decent (non-stingy) face cleanser will do trick.  You don't need to expensive fuckery!  And dear God, don't use makeup remover all over your mug.

6. Veet sensitive skin

I'm very cognizant of not putting too many harsh chemicals on myself or into the environment.  I also have an amazing pain tolerance, but I'm a strong believer that waxing is only for crazy bitches.  I do not use this regularly, but only when I need hair removal that will last longer (i.e. camping, a holiday etc., to keep this PG).

Also, this is cheaper than a trip to your local Sadist waxer or Sadist lazer hair removal technician.  (More on the later in another post....lazer hair removal is God's gift to humanity.  However, it's nearly as uncomfortable as waxing albeit less painful.  I'm going on a tangent). 

7.  Neutrogena lip balm

I can't decide if I like this or Burts Bees better.  I think this almost wins because it comes with SPF and has no scent whatsoever.  It has no colour, is not sticky and stays put.  Loooooove.

8. Almay oil free eye makeup remover pads

I've tried all sorts of makeup remover from inexpensive to the highest end, but I've been sticking to these for years now.  I like the oil free because its no fuss and doesnt leave any oily film on my skin.  You also don't have to fuck around with liquid and cotton pads.  Who has time for that crap?  However, if I'm wearing some serious eye makeup, as I'm known to do sometimes, you need to do a second wash over your eyes with your (non-stingy) face cleanser when you wash the rest of your face.  Go read by blurb from #5 for more on makeup removal.  There are also the non oil-free version of these.  If you're one for wearing serious eye makeup and/or waterproof mascara you might want to give that a try.  I don't like it as much because it a little more mess, but it works too.

9.  Clean and clear oil blotters

A lot of expensive companies make these, but why go for $$$$ when $ works?  I love these because you can get rid of greasy face without loading your mug with powder.  Also, if you are wearing makeup when you use these it wont disturb your facepaint job.   

10. EOS shaving cream

Aerosol cans are bad for the environment, can explode and will leave rust in your shower.  Who wants that fuckery?  This product is made from no-bullshit recyclable plastic.  I'm very picky about cheap fragrance, but I find the vanilla scent non-bothersome.  Also it does what it's supposed to and actually moisturizes.  All the other brands I've tried are too harsh and leave my skin feeling itchy.  With this though I don't even need to moisturize after.  For the win!

11.  Quo makeup brushes 

I really don't get those crazy bitches who go nuts over very expensive makeup brushes.  Then again, I'm not a professional makeup artist and I'm more of a "finger painter" when it comes to application, even for eyeshadow.  At most I'll use a q tip to smudge eyeliner.   However, I do own two makeup brushes and they are from mid-range Shoppers in-house brand Quo.  The bronzing powder brush (top) I actually use for face powder because the white tips tell you when its time to wash it.  The crease blender (bottom) I use when I'm getting fancy with my eye makeup application or have too much time on my hands.  It doesn't matter too much how much you spend on makeup brushes (I even know some girls who swear by art store supplies, though those are not always cheap either), but what matters is the feel of the bristles and the design of them.  Google the more professional (and $$$) brands to see in what style they have their bristles and find something cheaper in the same design.  I'll repurchase this brand if I ever seek to experiment with other types of brushes before going for the high end iteration.

Tip:  don't bother fucking around with makeup brush cleanser.  You can use any (non too chemically or harsh) shampoo or hand soap.   

Honorable mention

11.  Covergirl outlast lipstain

I'm not madly in love with this product.  I'm not even sure I'd repurchase it after my several tubes run out.  However, it's a fresh idea (and I fucking love fresh ideas!) and it comes in good colours.  It looks like a crayola marker and goes on like you'd imagine one would if you used it as makeup (common admit you've thought about it!).  Why didn't anyone think of this sooner?  It's kind of genius.  It goes on smoothly and sans gunk, which is a win.  I hate sticky bullshit on my lips and so does the person kissing you.  Trust.  Now I want Givenchy to make a definitive non-budget version of this so I can stop whining about the cheap drug store smell/taste of this product.  It also wont last forever, but if you need  some cheap and cheerful retail therapy knock yourself out.

Do any of my Dear Readers have anything to add or tips pour moi?

Xoxo

Erin