FRESH SUNGLASSES

Cliffs notes:

1.  I have a bizarre and deeply personal relationship to sunglasses.  Read the following six paragraphs if you want to know just how queer it is.

2.  You don't need more than one pair.  Get the highest quality you can afford in a fresh style and they'll last for a long time.  

3.  Brown or a tortoise shell pattern look far better on most people.  It's less harsh on the face than black.  Trust.  

4.  Sunglasses should make you feel like a fiercer version of yourself.  Don't purchase until you find a pair that do.

5.  Wayfarers are classic, but not fresh.

6.  Scroll down for fresh.

Full story:

I've only ever had two pairs of sunglasses in my life.  My first pair were prescription tortoise shell Miu Mius I got at the end of highschool.  Good Prescription sunglasses are expensive so I never got a pair before then.  Before then sunglasses were for the "cool girls".  The functionality of sunglasses was lost on me.  I always coveted that these girls could look so chic and aloof with the expression in their eyes covered by dark lenses.  And that when they walked out of the sun they could push them back into their hair like a headband of cool.  Even after I got my sunglasses I still had to fuck around shuffling between my prescription and clear pair walking in and out of doors.  Not fierce.

It's not that I hated my glasses.  I don't remember myself without them.  I didn't really pay much attention to them or spend my teen years brewing over how uncool I was because of them.  I was already kinda nerdy and the glasses just added to that.  Even Prada glasses don't make you feel like less of a tool.  Trust.   

I dropped the GDP of a small African country getting lazer eye surgery in December.  I didn't spend years planning to, but the day it occurred to me I wanted it I made it happen in short order.  It's purpose was part practical for work and part just for me.  

I walked out of Herzig with my new eyes being able to see my face really for the first time in my life.  I never thought it would change how I saw myself.  I was never in a spiral of self hatred over my glasses like some people.  But it brought my face to the forefront for the first time.  I never really got a good look at my face before.  When I had my glasses on they hid it and when they were off....well I couldn't see shit let alone my own face.  For a short while before I got the surgery I was beginning to grow into who I was as a woman and after I felt like I appeared on the outside like how I felt on the inside.

Eye docs will tell you that you should wear sunglasses whenever you're outside to protect your vision.  You have to wear sunglasses for the first week after eye surgery so the glare of the sun doesn't burn your retinas out.  Considering how much you drop at Herzig getting your eyes done they should give you a selection of designer shades when you walk out of there post surgery in a Valium haze.  I actually wrote that on a suggestion card at their office.  I would too.  Not kidding, bitches.  I digress.  The actual glasses are the kind those massive fug ones that old and/or blind people wear.  Not pour moi.  

Conveniently they give you a $50 coupon to the sunglasses store next door in their post surgery gift basket next to the Demerol and various other fun pharmaceuticals.  I needed no other prompting.  I walked straight from Herzig the 25 meters East to Ilori.  A well dressed gay greeted me and I spent at least 45 minutes trying on everything in the store under $300.  The aforementioned gay tried to push Wayfarers on me, but I've found them tired and overdone for a while now.  I chose a perfect pair of large face shielding brown tortoise shell Philip Lim's that look amazingly like the Tom Ford "floating" styles (more on that later), but at a better price point.  They made me feel like a better version of me and that's the way a consumer product should.  As I said I buy things high end and stay with them for a long time, so I went for something fresh and fierce, but not trendy.

I've been wanting to write an article about sunglasses for a long time, but was lacking inspiration outside of Wayfarers, which it seems everyoneonearth are still wearing. including the fashionistas.  I've declared them NOT FRESH for a long time now.  Also, aviators are still ok in a fresh design.  They're just not a very inspired look.  You can do better, dear readers 

What I'm talking about when I say NOT FRESH:

Everyone and their dog has been wearing these too long.  Yes, they are classic and they've been in and out for pretty much ever.  If this article prompts you to put these away for a while hold on to them because they'll be cool again in ten years.  Trust.  You can pull them out before that if you're wearing all pastel and doing an 80s WASP look for Halloween.  Ooh.  That's a fresh idea, Erin!  I might just do that next year.

What are the FRESH sunglasses alternatives to Wayfarers, dear reader? 

1.  FRESH takes on Wayfarers abound.  If you must, do it like this.

The lovely girlie over at If You Seek Style just posted this pic.  It's what inspired this post actually.  These are the Forever 21 knock offs of the Alexander Wangs of the same shape.  They are, as I see it, a fresh take on the Wayfarer.  They look like a cross between those and a modern take on cay eyes.  I hate knock offs because I'm a snob, but I can deal with these.  Sorta.

The real thing vs. Forever 21

The real thing = fierce.  If I had an infinite budget I'd give these a shot.

These babies below are also Alexander Wang.  Notice the sort of Wayfarer shape, but with the zipper design.  I've already seen paparazzi shots of Mischa Barton wearing these.  I have a feeling these are going to be OVERDONE in short order and ripped off also at Forever 21, H&M, Hot Topic etc.  The Plebs need fashion too I guess. 

These below by Chloe are a nod to the Wayfarer design, in a fresh style.   Also, notice how brown is less harsh on the face than black?  Win.

2.  Oversized sunglasses, like the kind I wear, have been around for a while now.  Some are tired, but you can get some seriously fresh takes on them.  

 These $98 Marc by Marc Jacobs are fresh and classic.  You'll get a lot of mileage out of them.  Notice how on the outside edge of the glass "floats" from the frame?  This was really pushed by Tom Ford and remains FRESH.  This pair look a lot like my Philip Lims.  However, my Lims are clearly cooler.

These vintage shades by Gucci are also fresh.  You CAN do the oversized look if you do it like this for the win!  My mom had some wicked shades like this from the early 90s.  It's SO not fierce of her that she tossed them before she could hand them down to me so I could be the coolest kid in the playground in vintage.  I digress.

 All the sunglasses modeled by ladyheads are available in heaven i.e. Shopbop

Thoughts?

Xoxo

Erin